I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
