It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just gift wrapped bread.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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