I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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