I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
