I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
