You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
