one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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