So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
