Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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