I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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