Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
