belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
