I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
