oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize