i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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