I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
