mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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