i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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