he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
