4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
