Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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