we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
