I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
