I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
no, he came in my armpit
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
