Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
