We named our party play list daddy issues
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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