i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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