So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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