you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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