Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
