My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
