I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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