Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
