No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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