remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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