Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
