I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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