Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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