Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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