We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize