I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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