On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
