I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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