Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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