why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
