Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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