i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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