I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
