I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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