My cat gives me a boner
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
