this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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