Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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