even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
