You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
