so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize