I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
