You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
