I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
