Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
