Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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