Pants 0. Shit 1.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize