so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
