She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
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