Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
