well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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