i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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