new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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