she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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