mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
