remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize