mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
