Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
