i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize