she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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