I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
